Promises mean everything
When you're little and the world is so big
I just don't understand how
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes
And tell me everything is wonderful now
-Everclear

i was grinning as i climbed the stairs to the classroom.
passing the CA's office, i saw cam, alex, and loren inside talking with ms olalde. i guessed right away what they were talking about. as our other classmates left for the music room, i lingered behind, on the chance they might be done soon. they didnt seem to be, and i was about to leave, when they signaled me to come inside. their discussion seemed to be over. i gathered that whatever had been said wasnt going to reach my ears.
mars appeared at the door. she had arrived late. really late. she submitted a paper to ms olalde, then ms olalde sent us off, reminding cam and lex to keep their lips sealed. the two of them ran ahead, laughing. when we got to the music room, ms ettie asked to see a note, which we didnt have. mars and i went back to CA's office to get it, letting cam and lex stay behind to just wait. back at ms olalde's room, loren was still there. i sat on the stool beside her as mars made out the note.
loren: back so soon? san yung dalawa pa?
me: naiwan dun. tamad bumalik. *pause* ang daya niyo naman. na OP tuloy ako sa usapan.
loren: *pulls me over* *gives me a noogie* thanks for being my friend.
me: *laughs* your welcome.
loren: alam mo... kanina iniisip ko... kung pano kaya kung ikaw yung nagbaba-backstab sa'min... naiyak ako... physics test pa, ahaha... "di ko ma-take kung si bea..."
i half-smiled. and later,
lex: kung mababaw lang tingin ko sa pagkakaibigan natin... sasabihin ko "friend mo siya? hindi kita friend." pero hindi.

we climbed up the small hill in the field, and they started settling down. i borrowed kyra's jacket and rolled all the way down the slope. then i joined them again, finding myself grinning as i sat down. the world was still spinning. some sun, some pizza, some reading, some company, and it didnt take long for me to get high. again.




but it didnt take long for me to sink either.

...

what angers me most is that i know i couldve handled it better.
what scares me most is that i know thats not even half the demon i can be.